Is it too early for reflection on 2011?
No...in fact i think there are many things to reflect on...i wonder if i have enough time to spend on thinking, evaluating and reflecting...
As i read the blog entry in January, i'm glad to say at least, i manage to do and achieve what i wanted to set off to do in Jan 2011 - passing driving (Woohoo!), serving in PFS (yup though it's not easy but yet it brings some kind of a unspeakable joy) and spending more time with my school kids (though not all the time but as much as i could).
So many things that i want to reflect on that i can't even name them unless i type it down here...
1. What have i learnt in 2011 and what has God taught me in 2011?
One of the major lessons that i think God would have me learn and restore in my life is my relationship with my Dad - my earthly father.
Since the divine appointment to heal my past childhood hurts with my mum, i know that God would have more healing work to work out in my life in my relationship with my dad. Through the angry outburst incident, it helped me to see and acknowledge my inner hurts, my depise and my bitter root judgements. And more so, i want to forgive my dad for all of them...and to ask for forgiveness from God for all these sins and burdens that held me down consiously and unconsciously. And i'm still learning this lesson whenever i'm led to judge...and i know this is a journey lesson.
At the same time, i learnt to set healthy boundaries and again, this is a lifelong lesson that i need to remind myself to do...for friends, for work, for family and for myself.
Another lesson was in perseverance with serving in PFS. The first 3 months was not exactly torturous but it was quite unbearable because i had no control. It's interesting how terrible i felt when there's no control...it reflects my craving and need for control - something which i need to work on...releasing control. And learning that God's in control even when i'm not. And learning to trust God that He is in control even when all before my eyes seemed to get out of control. It's amazing how Jacob and Mary deal wtih all these loss of control yet trust God so trustedly.
Preparedness - God prepares His people (thru the book, "Initimacy" by Henri Nouwen).He does it in every juncture. God does not call one at whim and fancy without preparation. He foresees, plans and prepares ahead before He brings each person, thing and event into existence. This taught me about God's nature. And it is in this way that He will prepare for me the path, the persons i will meet and the work and things that He wants me to do.
3. What are the things i need to improve and work on?
It struck me today that something which i wanted to do for this year but i have not done so till today - that is setting aside solitude time to spend with God.
It is something that i know i want to do for next year - to systematically carve out and set aside time once every month (1st Saturday afternoon) in solititude with God.
That's the goal for 2012!
4. What are the plans God has for me this year and next year?
5. What are my hopes and what do i want to achieve for 2012?
a. To have solititude with God on every 1st Sat afternoon of each month.
6. Who are the people whom God wants me to spend time with in 2012?
7. How have i grown spiritually in 2011?
8. How do i go about continuing my spiritual growth in 2012?
Time to think......
Friday, December 9, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Serendipity
Serendipity - finding something unexpectedly pleasant / happy.
Watching this really old-school show...reminds me of this encounter of sitting beside this ang-moh guy in church one day...sitting beside him strangely makes me feel that i could sit beside this guy my whole life. Ha...sounds so absurd...so silly...but so hard to forget too...ha..perhaps it's the die-hard romantic inside me...somehow just relish that feeling...when my heart struggles with the rationality of my mind.
Watching this really old-school show...reminds me of this encounter of sitting beside this ang-moh guy in church one day...sitting beside him strangely makes me feel that i could sit beside this guy my whole life. Ha...sounds so absurd...so silly...but so hard to forget too...ha..perhaps it's the die-hard romantic inside me...somehow just relish that feeling...when my heart struggles with the rationality of my mind.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The watches of the night
On a moody and lonely night, this poem penned by Irish-born Kristyn Getty soothed my soul...reminds me to fight on and persevere on despite my worn-out body and soul...despite my human logic and self-will...to fight against my selfish will so that i can obey His calling and perfect will.
I looked towards the wintering trees
To hush my dreadful soul
as they rise to face the icy sky, they hold fast beneath the snow
and their rings grow wide, their roots go deep that they might hold their height
and stand like valient soldiers through the watches of the night.
And no human shoulder ever bears the weight of all the world
but hearts can sink below the eck of troubles' sudden surge
Yet far beyond all knowing
there's a strong unsleeping light
that reaches around to hold me through the watches of the night
And i have cried upon the steps that seemed too steep for me to climb
And i have prayed against the burdens that i did not want to be mine
But here i am, and this is where You're calling me to fight
And You, i will remember through the watches of the night
You, i will remember through the watches of the night
By Kristyn Getty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIyXwldPup4
I looked towards the wintering trees
To hush my dreadful soul
as they rise to face the icy sky, they hold fast beneath the snow
and their rings grow wide, their roots go deep that they might hold their height
and stand like valient soldiers through the watches of the night.
And no human shoulder ever bears the weight of all the world
but hearts can sink below the eck of troubles' sudden surge
Yet far beyond all knowing
there's a strong unsleeping light
that reaches around to hold me through the watches of the night
And i have cried upon the steps that seemed too steep for me to climb
And i have prayed against the burdens that i did not want to be mine
But here i am, and this is where You're calling me to fight
And You, i will remember through the watches of the night
You, i will remember through the watches of the night
By Kristyn Getty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIyXwldPup4
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Be Still my soul...amidst all these hectic days
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9zHn4QSH-8&feature=related
Why am i so busy and stressed out? Why are my days so hectic when i should be like all the others who are less busy and stressed?
Cast all your burdens to the LORD, you silly girl!...i say to myself...and not depend on yourself and do all by yourself...
Why am i so busy and stressed out? Why are my days so hectic when i should be like all the others who are less busy and stressed?
Cast all your burdens to the LORD, you silly girl!...i say to myself...and not depend on yourself and do all by yourself...
Saturday, April 2, 2011
My 1st faith milestone in 2011
Being able to drive - for most people, it's no problem at all.
But for me, it's something almost unimaginable for me to do a few years back.
I've always given and believed the excuse that i'm the kinda of person who can't multi-task - having to look front, look back, look side and move my hands and feet at the same time - is something too difficult to do. I can actually remember telling my friends that it's better and safer without me on the road...(something which i would like to retract as of now :))
To even embark on the idea of learning to drive is a faith journey for me. For most, it's a useful skill to pick up...but for me, it seemed that it's more of a God-idea than my own idea - to learn to drive and to learn MANUAL. For what? That i don't know, but for me, there're definitely practical reasons to do that but i know that it's not good enough for me to move myself to do it...knowing it's much more difficult. In fact, more than a few instructors i've met have questioned my decision to learn manual.
But every step of the way, from BTT to FTT to practical lessons, was God's strength and grace with me. I remember days whereby i have to go for driving lessons without sleep during my insomnia nights. Knowing that if this is what God wants me to learn, He'll carry me through...and before every lesson, i always prayed and committed it to Him, simply because i know i won't be able to do it without Him.
Now being able to pass the driving test, though on the second try nonetheless, testifies all the more to His grace and faithfulness. It's totally unexpected, so much so that i still couldn't believe it a few hours later that i actually did it. More than anything, God shows and demonstrates to me His ability, power and grace to bring me through what He wants me to do, no matter how hard it seemed for me to do, as long as i depended on Him. All Glory be to God!
But for me, it's something almost unimaginable for me to do a few years back.
I've always given and believed the excuse that i'm the kinda of person who can't multi-task - having to look front, look back, look side and move my hands and feet at the same time - is something too difficult to do. I can actually remember telling my friends that it's better and safer without me on the road...(something which i would like to retract as of now :))
To even embark on the idea of learning to drive is a faith journey for me. For most, it's a useful skill to pick up...but for me, it seemed that it's more of a God-idea than my own idea - to learn to drive and to learn MANUAL. For what? That i don't know, but for me, there're definitely practical reasons to do that but i know that it's not good enough for me to move myself to do it...knowing it's much more difficult. In fact, more than a few instructors i've met have questioned my decision to learn manual.
But every step of the way, from BTT to FTT to practical lessons, was God's strength and grace with me. I remember days whereby i have to go for driving lessons without sleep during my insomnia nights. Knowing that if this is what God wants me to learn, He'll carry me through...and before every lesson, i always prayed and committed it to Him, simply because i know i won't be able to do it without Him.
Now being able to pass the driving test, though on the second try nonetheless, testifies all the more to His grace and faithfulness. It's totally unexpected, so much so that i still couldn't believe it a few hours later that i actually did it. More than anything, God shows and demonstrates to me His ability, power and grace to bring me through what He wants me to do, no matter how hard it seemed for me to do, as long as i depended on Him. All Glory be to God!
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