Just as i have finished reading the "Liberty of Obedience" by Elizabeth Elliot, i have such an ironical situation...i feel so imprisioned and trapped by my mum's reactions...so rarely yet so strongly, i felt my hands are 'tied'...i so seldom felt so...i always think there's a way out no matter what...but now, the only thing i feel, is that my hands are tied. Tied.
Should i feel peace? i felt can't help crying and feeling sad for myself...that my hands are tied and i have no choice at all...not to even mention having freedom...i don't free at all...why, Lord? why do i feel like this? Shouldn't i feel good to obey? Why didn't i feel 'freed' when i obey? Is it because my heart was not right? It's not just superficial obedience, i have to obey cheerfully too? perhaps so.
The LORD doesn't want me to just obey the 'rules', but He is more pleased to see my heart submit out of love for Him even when all my will doesn't want to do it...
