Letting go 2010...is it Taking hold 2011?

Reading Isaac's blog has prompted me to write again...somehow i just 'forgot' about blogging the last few months...indeed i want to remember what God has done for me in my life lest i forget the goodness of God in my life, lest i forget all the lessons He has taught me...i want to remember God and all of His love and goodness in my life.

This blog started with the journey to missions..and even though theological training didn't seemed to be part of God's plan at this point...the journey of missions continues...it will never stop till i cease to breathe...so this blog shall continue to document the wonderous works of God in my life...



It felt blissful when I sat at West Coast Park on the last day of 2010 to spend time alone...alone to reflect on 2010...to talk to God...to reflect what God has done in my life in 2010 and what He has taught me. One thing that stood out when I think about all the major happenings during 2010: Letting go...

I realised that God has been teaching me to let go in 2010. Letting go of my desire to escape and go into biblical studies, letting go of him that i shouldn't hold on to anymore, letting go of what i want and where i want to go.

Realising this 'trend' of letting go in 2010...it makes me wonder God has in mind for 2011? Is it more 'letting go'? or is it 'taking hold'? :) well, i'm excited at what He has in store...and whatever it is, i'm trusting Him and obeying Him...be it letting go or taking hold.

At the same time, I was reading Psalm 1 and felt led to read the Beautitudes in Matthew 5, as i was seeking to hear from God.

Matthew 5
The Sermon on the Mount
1Seeing the crowds,(A) he went up on the mountain, and when he(B) sat down, his disciples came to him.
The Beatitudes
2And(C) he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
3(D) "Blessed are(E) the poor in spirit, for(F) theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4"Blessed are(G) those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

5"Blessed are the(H) meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

6"Blessed are those who hunger and(I) thirst(J) for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

7"Blessed are(K) the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

8"Blessed are(L) the pure in heart, for(M) they shall see God.

9"Blessed are(N) the peacemakers, for(O) they shall be called(P) sons[a] of God.

10(Q) "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for(R) theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11(S) "Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely(T) on my account. 12(U) Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for(V) so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Salt and Light
13"You are the salt of the earth,(W) but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.
14(X) "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15(Y) Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before others, so(Z) that they may see your good works and(AA) give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

One thing struck me as i read the Beautitudes. There is such a contrast of things between the part before the comma (,) and the part after the comma (,) if you view it in the world's terms. From the worldly pt. of view, it will be a laughing stock. For how can one inherit the earth if one is meek? Doesn't the strong and mighty inherit the earth instead?

But not so, in God's economy of things. This reminds me about hearing this from Pastor Kay Kiong if i remembered correctly, that God's economy of things are different from the world's economy of things. So when God allows things that didn't seemed right or logical in this sense of the world, it probably make sense to consider and discern if this is God's workings indeed.

Isaiah 55: 8-9
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Another reminder was from verse 13 and 14. To remind myself that I AM the salt of the earth..I AM the light of the world. It's my identity. God did not say 'be' salt of the earth, nor did He say 'be' the light of the world. But "YOU ARE the salt of the earth...YOU ARE the light of the world"...hence did i live up to who i am? This is what i am going to live out in 2011. Not 'to be' but I already am when God says so. So...JUST DO IT!

Liberty of Obedience

Just as i have finished reading the "Liberty of Obedience" by Elizabeth Elliot, i have such an ironical situation...i feel so imprisioned and trapped by my mum's reactions...so rarely yet so strongly, i felt my hands are 'tied'...i so seldom felt so...i always think there's a way out no matter what...but now, the only thing i feel, is that my hands are tied. Tied.

Should i feel peace? i felt can't help crying and feeling sad for myself...that my hands are tied and i have no choice at all...not to even mention having freedom...i don't free at all...why, Lord? why do i feel like this? Shouldn't i feel good to obey? Why didn't i feel 'freed' when i obey? Is it because my heart was not right? It's not just superficial obedience, i have to obey cheerfully too? perhaps so.
The LORD doesn't want me to just obey the 'rules', but He is more pleased to see my heart submit out of love for Him even when all my will doesn't want to do it...

Following Joseph's example

Asking...seeking...knocking...when nothing seemed to stir...maybe He did speak...and i was too deaf to hear...too stubborn in my own desires to listen...but i'm grateful when i read Psalm 105 last two nights.

16 When he summoned a famine on the land
and broke all supply[a] of bread,
17 he had sent a man ahead of them,
Joseph, who was sold as a slave.
18 His feet were hurt with fetters;
his neck was put in a collar of iron;
19 until what he had said came to pass,
the word of the LORD tested him.

i felt it was the LORD speaking to me through this excerpt on Joseph's destiny in God's plan. God did not plan for Joseph to go to Egypt smoothly to fulfill his plan to deliver Israel from famine...God could have just bring Joseph in by a way that's more rational and usual...no, but Joseph was sold as a slave there. He entered in by the most humilated and humble manner. Worse, he was thrown into the jail...verses 18 spoke to me...that how "[Jospeh's] feet were hurt with fetters; his neck was put in a collar of iron until what [God] had said came to pass"...it made me think that for me to remain and stay where i am in school indeed seemed like a 'prison' to me...one that i want to break free away from very badly...but perhaps like Joseph, i'm to stay there for a reason...or for a season cos the timing's not ripe yet. But the comforting thing is that His word 'came to pass'...God's destiny for Joseph came to pass because Jospeh was faithful to obey and wait for God's timing and plan to uncover itself...

The words, "the word of the LORD tested him" made me pause to think...God tested Joseph's faith and obedience...if he would remembered what God said to him in his youth and if God would bring it to pass even in dire circumstances 'now & then' that he was in. I'm thinking to myself if THIS is my testing...right now, to stay in school even though i'm searching and waiting for God show me the way out is my testing...just as Joseph waits for God to bring him out of prison despite being still in it...

I don't know if i can...but i want to pass the testing...i believe that God has a destiny for me that i don't know yet and how it'll come to pass yet. But if i walk out of this 'prison', i may miss out on fulfilling God's plan & purposes for me.

Yes, it's done!

I thanked God and I'm still thankful to God...for His goodness...for He sees this day coming...and He has prepared me to lay down all that's in my heart for him at the foot of the Cross before even this day arrives.

Indeed as this song goes, which i'm drawn to...it beats my heart's desire for God to search me, know me and try me and see...if i have truly laid it all down...at the moment when i saw him hold her hand...my heart was surprised but not all saddened surprisingly to myself too...i just hope it's his wife and not a moment of folly...but all that will be his walk with God. period for me. :)

Bro. Andy's sermon today also got me to see how the purpose for etc has swerved from the initial right direction towards the wrong one (which i confess - to catch his attn and notice of me). And this day, I have realised this wrong turn and purposefully begins to steer it back to the right and sole purpose: loving God.

It takes time and testings...a faith that is not tested cannot be 'proven' to be true and steadfast...

Since the decision was made in my heart last Sunday, somehow i knew there'll be testings and i think that indeed there were. Incidental mentions of dhim that reminds me of dhim. Testing if my obedience and desire to do what's right before God is truly committed and stands the test. Testing is good, it shows me my own heart too and let me lean more unto God for His strength. That i may lay down every burden at the foot of the Cross.

Compromise NO MORE!

Thank you LORD! for being so patient...and i think the message finally came thru during last Sunday's sermon...i have decided to let go of my feelings for dhim...no more compromise...no more looking and feeling bec. i know it's not right somehow...so many reminders every time i read or hear of things like marriage and divorce. I only pray that dhe will stand faithful and true before God and marriage.

LORD, help me stand firm!