I think it was pretty obvious...i'm looking out for someone...i was really looking around but i didn't find the one i was looking for...back to the same lesson last Sunday...had to relearn that again...to refocus on God and let God do the leading...and stop my eyes from the wondering...

Seeing his devotion as i finally braved myself to read his blog earlier made realise i should just not let anything start at all...when i sensed his devotion, it's so beautiful that i dun want to spoil it. I would wish that he would remain as godly and devoted as he seemed to be - just like Hosea. I can't deny that there is a unspoken fear that i will miss out on him if he ever wavers...but if God doesn't lead me to him...why would i miss out on anything at all?

Am i 'falling back on him' because of my insecurity? Realised that i tend to do so...it shouldn't be so at all...Christ is my security.

Makeover my focus...

Sometimes i wonder why do i record these things and feelings in this blog...

Is it because the feelings are so strong i can't contain it within me and i needed an avenue to let it out? ...it's weird that i somehow felt this was not what i wanted the blog to be...but perhaps this is also part of the journey God has planned for me in His perfect love and grace.

Yes, i admit i was looking out for him...maybe too much that i actually missed seeing him...so near yet so far...what an irony!

the more this happens...the more i need to anchor back on God...somehow i felt i'm the one not ready...my focus is not steadfast on God enough...i need to...i need to...before i think God will bring anyone in...

Should remember this...

"Man and woman should all aim to grow in God; One's spirituality cannot truly be "measured" (other than by God), and shouldn't be a factor for compatibility, in and of itself;

How God leads is more important than how man does (or how well woman follows)"

Am i dreaming an impossible dream?

This song somehow resonates the feelings i have within me...

What is in my heart?...

There are still many questions whirling in my mind after a week...

Why?

How did it happen? It wasn't like that before...at least not one year plus before

What had happened?

How is he coping now?

These questions kept coming back at me almost uncontrollably...it struck me that am i seeking trouble for myself when i dun even know this person...

Why do i know this? Why am i let in to know?...is it mere coincidence? or did the LORD delibrately me into knowing?

Why is my heart so drawn and grieved for this person i dun even know?...

courageous heart...

my heart is shocked and grieved...many kinds of responsive thoughts flashed through my mind...why Lord? but His word said "cease striving and know that I am God"...

Is God preparing me for this? Is He preparing my heart for this? Do i mind? Can i accept it? Am i prepared to?

There is much to think about...is He is laying a choice for me to make?...it seems so...i need to pray...it's hard when i know i cannot share this with anyone...not anyone yet...is this the journey to be courageous?...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Last Sunday service of 2009

One of the hymns that i loved back then some 9 years ago...it was sang today at the last Sunday service of 2009...the familiar tune strangely surprised me and moved my heart again...



A reflective service today...one that gets us to quiet down, give thanks, be rested and renew our faith...i appreciate the thought and effort to do that in service...else some may never get to...indeed let my heart resonates this verse again "cease striving and know that I am God". God proves Himself again. :) ...i find myself sitting at a place most coincidental...