I can't help but feel that the LORD is testing me...how much determination i have to shrug dhim off my mind and surrender my heart time after time, week after week in obedience to Him...it's been 3 weeks that i somehow just sees him...the congreg. isn't big, but it isn't that small that i would see the same person for 3 consecutive weeks...yet i did...before the rev. sharing, along the void deck, at the sanct. door today...somehow his outfit from the back just caught my attention and made me glance a second time and realised it was him even when i fail to see his face...and upon seeing him, a sense of heartache just welled up within me for him...why? i dun know why...

Am i looking out for dhim? No...i've told my heart each Sunday to not hope...to not yearn to see dhim...but my heart is yet to be tested...and each time he appears all of a sudden before me...my heart is just shaken and caught up with him...i know God is gracious to let me retake my 'testings'...