my heart is shocked and grieved...many kinds of responsive thoughts flashed through my mind...why Lord? but His word said "cease striving and know that I am God"...
Is God preparing me for this? Is He preparing my heart for this? Do i mind? Can i accept it? Am i prepared to?
There is much to think about...is He is laying a choice for me to make?...it seems so...i need to pray...it's hard when i know i cannot share this with anyone...not anyone yet...is this the journey to be courageous?...
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Last Sunday service of 2009
One of the hymns that i loved back then some 9 years ago...it was sang today at the last Sunday service of 2009...the familiar tune strangely surprised me and moved my heart again...
A reflective service today...one that gets us to quiet down, give thanks, be rested and renew our faith...i appreciate the thought and effort to do that in service...else some may never get to...indeed let my heart resonates this verse again "cease striving and know that I am God". God proves Himself again. :) ...i find myself sitting at a place most coincidental...
A reflective service today...one that gets us to quiet down, give thanks, be rested and renew our faith...i appreciate the thought and effort to do that in service...else some may never get to...indeed let my heart resonates this verse again "cease striving and know that I am God". God proves Himself again. :) ...i find myself sitting at a place most coincidental...
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas!...
As i reflected on this year during this season of Christmas...there's indeed alot going on this year, lots of ups and downs...the worst side of health breakdown vs. the step i see nearer in God's calling...but through it all, God is faithful.
Today, Pastor Ed shared from Psalm 46 "Be still( meaning cease striving) and know that I am God". Indeed it was a verse that spoke to me...to cease the fears, anxiety, strivings, be it hidden or known, within me...to let go and let God, and know that He is in control, even if things seems to go topsy-turvy.
"Have a more humble posture in life, have a higher purpose for life" - what Pastor Ed wants to put through to us in a 2-liner statement. Be faithful to God's calling.
I somehow knew it was this area that God wants to address...i know i have not been able to let go...though i know it's hardly right...and i raised my hands this day to surrender to Him again. If God would let it happen, it will happen...and today's incident proved so true. I can try so hard to look out all this while and not see a single trace, but if God wants, He can place dhim waving just right in front of me (from the most unexpected place-a car!), just as He did today. I tell myself how ironical...but at the same time, He proved to me that God can if He willed.
I don't know how God has willed for me in this and I want to continue to walk in His perfect will...and be faithful to His calling...what this coming year 2010 may hold, i don't know...but like what Fiona says, "Alot can happen in a year..." Indeed, it does. 2009 has proved it right. I'd never know what God has in plan for next year. But i will learn to have a more humbler posture in life and press on in a higher purpose for life. And to cease striving, because my God is alive, and He is God. And i can trust Him for that. :)
Today, Pastor Ed shared from Psalm 46 "Be still( meaning cease striving) and know that I am God". Indeed it was a verse that spoke to me...to cease the fears, anxiety, strivings, be it hidden or known, within me...to let go and let God, and know that He is in control, even if things seems to go topsy-turvy.
"Have a more humble posture in life, have a higher purpose for life" - what Pastor Ed wants to put through to us in a 2-liner statement. Be faithful to God's calling.
I somehow knew it was this area that God wants to address...i know i have not been able to let go...though i know it's hardly right...and i raised my hands this day to surrender to Him again. If God would let it happen, it will happen...and today's incident proved so true. I can try so hard to look out all this while and not see a single trace, but if God wants, He can place dhim waving just right in front of me (from the most unexpected place-a car!), just as He did today. I tell myself how ironical...but at the same time, He proved to me that God can if He willed.
I don't know how God has willed for me in this and I want to continue to walk in His perfect will...and be faithful to His calling...what this coming year 2010 may hold, i don't know...but like what Fiona says, "Alot can happen in a year..." Indeed, it does. 2009 has proved it right. I'd never know what God has in plan for next year. But i will learn to have a more humbler posture in life and press on in a higher purpose for life. And to cease striving, because my God is alive, and He is God. And i can trust Him for that. :)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
What does it mean to be a missionary?
Elisabeth Elliot's "THe Savage My Kinsman" sheds some light and insight into my naive ignorable knowledge and perspective about missions...
From her Introduction...
The word "missionary" may call to mind preaching, teaching, church-building (and even this often means merely a physical plant, rather than a spiritual building), medical work, baptizing, catechizing, social improvement-almost any form of philanthropy. I found myself quite unable to undertake any one of these activities. A strange position for one who was called a missionary. I began to search my Guidebook to learn whether my definition had been an accurate one. The word "missionary" does not occur in the Bible. But the word "witness" does. I found many passages indicating that I was supposed to be a witness. One in particular arrested me. It stated that to be a witness to God is, above all, to know, believe and understand Him. (Isa 43:10) All that He asks us to do is but means to this end. He will go to any lengths to teach us, and His manipulation of the movements of men-Aucas, misssionaries, whomsoever-is never accidental. Those movements may be incidental to the one thing toward which He goads us: the recognition of Christ.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD,
"and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
nor will there be one after me.
11 I, even I, am the LORD,
and apart from me there is no savior.
12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "that I am God.
13 Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
No one can deliver out of my hand.
When I act, who can reverse it?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And from her Epilogue...
'How we long to point to something-anything-and say, "This works! This is sure!" But if it is something other than God Himself we are destined for disappointment. There is only one ultimate guarantee. It is the love of Christ. The love of Christ. Nothing in heaven or earth or hell can separate us from that, and because God is God and loves us He will not allow us to rest anywhere but in that Love. We run straight to Him when other refuges fail. Our misconceptions are corrected in Him, our failures redeemed, our sins cleansed, our griefs turned to joy. But first "the life also of Jesus must be manifest in our mortal bodies." First the drama must be played out-through suffering, weakness, failure, death and resurrection...
God keep us from sitting in the seat of the scornful, concentrating solely on the mistakes, the paltriness of our efforts, the width of the gap between what we hoped for and what we got. How shall we call this "Christian" work? What are we to make of it?
We must not proceed from our own notions of God's action (it will appear He has not acted) but must look clearly and unflinchingly at what happens and seek to understand it through the revelation of God in Christ. His life on earth had a most inauspicious beginning. There was the scandal of the virgin birth, the humiliation of the stable, the announcement not to village officials but to uncouth shepherds. A baby was born-a Saviour and King-but hundreds of babies were murdered because of Him. His public ministry, surely no tour of triumph, no thunderous success story, led not to stardom but to crucifixion. Multitudes followed Him, but most of them wanted what they could get out of Him and in the end all His disciples fled. Yet out of this seeming weakness and failure, out of His very humbling to death, what exaltation and what glory. For the will of God is not a quantitative thing, static and measurable. The Sovereign God moves in mysterious relation to the freedom of man's will. We can demand no instant reversals. Things must be worked out according to a divine design and timetable. Sometimes the light rises excruciatingly slowly. The Kingdom of God is like leaven and seed, things which work silently, secretly, slowly, but there is in them an incalculable transforming power. Even in the plain soil, even in the dull dough, lies the possibility of transformation for, as the psalmist wrote, "All things serve Thee."
The missionary, with all his sin and worldiness, stands nevertheless with Christ for the salvation of the world. As I learned when I was with the "savages," they do not need Christ more than I do, for we are all of us sheep who have turned every one to his own way. If I know who the Shepherd is and how to find Him, it is surely my duty to do what I can to point other sheep to Him. The effort to do this must not be seen in "either/or" terms-either it is flawless, and therefore a success, or it is flawed, and therefore a miserable failure.
Every time my hopes are dashed I am asked to exchange my small view of "good" (when things work my way) for God's view of it, express in Romans 8: "God who searches our inmost being knows what the Spirit means, because he pleads for God's people in God's own way; and in everything, as we know, he cooperates for good with those who love God and are called according to his purpose...that they should be shaped to the likeness of his Son." That, in the last analysis, is for us the only good-that shaping, no matter what it takes.
From her Introduction...
The word "missionary" may call to mind preaching, teaching, church-building (and even this often means merely a physical plant, rather than a spiritual building), medical work, baptizing, catechizing, social improvement-almost any form of philanthropy. I found myself quite unable to undertake any one of these activities. A strange position for one who was called a missionary. I began to search my Guidebook to learn whether my definition had been an accurate one. The word "missionary" does not occur in the Bible. But the word "witness" does. I found many passages indicating that I was supposed to be a witness. One in particular arrested me. It stated that to be a witness to God is, above all, to know, believe and understand Him. (Isa 43:10) All that He asks us to do is but means to this end. He will go to any lengths to teach us, and His manipulation of the movements of men-Aucas, misssionaries, whomsoever-is never accidental. Those movements may be incidental to the one thing toward which He goads us: the recognition of Christ.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 "You are my witnesses," declares the LORD,
"and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
nor will there be one after me.
11 I, even I, am the LORD,
and apart from me there is no savior.
12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "that I am God.
13 Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
No one can deliver out of my hand.
When I act, who can reverse it?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And from her Epilogue...
'How we long to point to something-anything-and say, "This works! This is sure!" But if it is something other than God Himself we are destined for disappointment. There is only one ultimate guarantee. It is the love of Christ. The love of Christ. Nothing in heaven or earth or hell can separate us from that, and because God is God and loves us He will not allow us to rest anywhere but in that Love. We run straight to Him when other refuges fail. Our misconceptions are corrected in Him, our failures redeemed, our sins cleansed, our griefs turned to joy. But first "the life also of Jesus must be manifest in our mortal bodies." First the drama must be played out-through suffering, weakness, failure, death and resurrection...
God keep us from sitting in the seat of the scornful, concentrating solely on the mistakes, the paltriness of our efforts, the width of the gap between what we hoped for and what we got. How shall we call this "Christian" work? What are we to make of it?
We must not proceed from our own notions of God's action (it will appear He has not acted) but must look clearly and unflinchingly at what happens and seek to understand it through the revelation of God in Christ. His life on earth had a most inauspicious beginning. There was the scandal of the virgin birth, the humiliation of the stable, the announcement not to village officials but to uncouth shepherds. A baby was born-a Saviour and King-but hundreds of babies were murdered because of Him. His public ministry, surely no tour of triumph, no thunderous success story, led not to stardom but to crucifixion. Multitudes followed Him, but most of them wanted what they could get out of Him and in the end all His disciples fled. Yet out of this seeming weakness and failure, out of His very humbling to death, what exaltation and what glory. For the will of God is not a quantitative thing, static and measurable. The Sovereign God moves in mysterious relation to the freedom of man's will. We can demand no instant reversals. Things must be worked out according to a divine design and timetable. Sometimes the light rises excruciatingly slowly. The Kingdom of God is like leaven and seed, things which work silently, secretly, slowly, but there is in them an incalculable transforming power. Even in the plain soil, even in the dull dough, lies the possibility of transformation for, as the psalmist wrote, "All things serve Thee."
The missionary, with all his sin and worldiness, stands nevertheless with Christ for the salvation of the world. As I learned when I was with the "savages," they do not need Christ more than I do, for we are all of us sheep who have turned every one to his own way. If I know who the Shepherd is and how to find Him, it is surely my duty to do what I can to point other sheep to Him. The effort to do this must not be seen in "either/or" terms-either it is flawless, and therefore a success, or it is flawed, and therefore a miserable failure.
Every time my hopes are dashed I am asked to exchange my small view of "good" (when things work my way) for God's view of it, express in Romans 8: "God who searches our inmost being knows what the Spirit means, because he pleads for God's people in God's own way; and in everything, as we know, he cooperates for good with those who love God and are called according to his purpose...that they should be shaped to the likeness of his Son." That, in the last analysis, is for us the only good-that shaping, no matter what it takes.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
2011...
Verdict is out.
She will not support 2010.
We striked an agreement.
I'll stay for 2010.
She'll let me go in 2011.
Perhaps it's good timing too. I trust that God is in control of this timing. I have peace with the decision and the agreement. I don't have to leave in a rush and feel guilty about it. And I get to have the support to go even though it's later. Still a win-win situation.
By 2011, the mission focus in ETC will materialise too... :)
She will not support 2010.
We striked an agreement.
I'll stay for 2010.
She'll let me go in 2011.
Perhaps it's good timing too. I trust that God is in control of this timing. I have peace with the decision and the agreement. I don't have to leave in a rush and feel guilty about it. And I get to have the support to go even though it's later. Still a win-win situation.
By 2011, the mission focus in ETC will materialise too... :)
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Peace despite what i see...
The replies from the enquiries from personnel div. has not been favourable...but somehow there was peace in my heart. I don't know why...though my emotions was abit thrown off after the call...but as i look to God, there was peace somehow...and i thank God for it. Perhaps i need to learn to trust beyond what i see and maybe this is a testimony of faith along this journey...
Will be going for ETC intro briefing tomo...i wonder what will it bring?...
Will be going for ETC intro briefing tomo...i wonder what will it bring?...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The lesson in applying leave...
Called up the personnel division and inquired...i confessed, i have not been honest...i withheld the part that it's seminary studies...and i'm convicted. Indeed, God did not let my conscience rest...therefore i confessed and repented. I must do this with integrity. That's the number one thing. If i don't, what the point of getting the leave and studying? If i dont speak the truth and glorify God in this, then all the rest that follow wont start right either. I don't want to go that way.
Then i realised why i have withheld the 'truth' - i have not fully trusted God to open the way. I'm still dependent on man's ways - on my own way to 'attain' the approval. I realised that i need to trust God even though man's ways does not seem viable. And in my heart, i asked God to show me how and to make a way even i can see no way. And PRAISE THE LORD!!! He immediately responded to me through Bro. Brian's call. There's another way! Indeed God opens doors we cannot see...and this is a testimony of His marvelous goodness and faithfulness! I call..He hears me...HE HEARS ME...He hears me...He affirms..and strengths my faith in Him.
Then i realised why i have withheld the 'truth' - i have not fully trusted God to open the way. I'm still dependent on man's ways - on my own way to 'attain' the approval. I realised that i need to trust God even though man's ways does not seem viable. And in my heart, i asked God to show me how and to make a way even i can see no way. And PRAISE THE LORD!!! He immediately responded to me through Bro. Brian's call. There's another way! Indeed God opens doors we cannot see...and this is a testimony of His marvelous goodness and faithfulness! I call..He hears me...HE HEARS ME...He hears me...He affirms..and strengths my faith in Him.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Lord, break into my life...
Lord i'm here to seek Your face
Father, show me the way
Deep inside, i long to see
the breakthrough You have for me
Draw me near to know You more
Let my heart be an open door
Fill me with Your Spirit, Lord
Release the power of Your Word
Lord, break into my life
I want to break with all that binds me
Lord, break into my life
Help me believe, in faith i receive
Your breakthrough for me
Lord You said to one who's down
Without another to pick him up
Every man needs a helping hand
To run the race that's set before us.
Lord, break into my life
I want to break with all that binds me
Lord, break into my life
Help me believe, in faith i receive
Your breakthrough for me
Lord, break in
Lord, break me
Lord, break in
Lord, breakthrough
Lord, come and break into my life
Lord, breakthrough
Lord, break into my life
I want to break with all that binds me
Lord, break into my life
Help me believe, in faith i receive
Your breakthrough for me
Through this song, i want to remember to break with my weaknesses that binds me...the inadequacy and misplaced focus on man...and claim in faith, God's breakthrough for me!
Father, show me the way
Deep inside, i long to see
the breakthrough You have for me
Draw me near to know You more
Let my heart be an open door
Fill me with Your Spirit, Lord
Release the power of Your Word
Lord, break into my life
I want to break with all that binds me
Lord, break into my life
Help me believe, in faith i receive
Your breakthrough for me
Lord You said to one who's down
Without another to pick him up
Every man needs a helping hand
To run the race that's set before us.
Lord, break into my life
I want to break with all that binds me
Lord, break into my life
Help me believe, in faith i receive
Your breakthrough for me
Lord, break in
Lord, break me
Lord, break in
Lord, breakthrough
Lord, come and break into my life
Lord, breakthrough
Lord, break into my life
I want to break with all that binds me
Lord, break into my life
Help me believe, in faith i receive
Your breakthrough for me
Through this song, i want to remember to break with my weaknesses that binds me...the inadequacy and misplaced focus on man...and claim in faith, God's breakthrough for me!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Defining my boundaries and claiming my portion and my lot
Yesterday's Sunday message talks about boundaries...God sets boundaries for Israel for safety and protection...it made me think about my boundaries...and i pray that God can extend boundaries...that His boundaries for me will fall in beautiful places...is dhe a boundary i'm not supposed to cross?
Yet God's boundaries, i know, is meant to protect me...and i should not try to cross it for my own good...
A precious lesson i learnt in yesterday's devotion and needed for today.
And they came to Jericho. And(CB) as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus,(CC) a blind beggar, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. 47And when he heard that it was(CD) Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" 48And many(CE) rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" 49And Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." And they called the blind man, saying to him,(CF) "Take heart. Get up; he is calling you." 50And throwing off his(CG) cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. 51And Jesus said to him, (CH) "What do you want me to do for you?" And the blind man said to him,(CI) "Rabbi, let me recover my sight." 52And Jesus said to him, "Go your way;(CJ) your faith has(CK) made you well." And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way.
It struck me that Bartimaeus did not have to think how Jesus will heal him...He called on Jesus, told Him what he wants, believe that Jesus can do it...as simple as that...Bartimaeus did not have to worry how and in what manner Jesus can heal him...
It made me think about my situation...how i thought it to be a difficult obstacle to get my no-pay study leave approved by P...looking at the terms and details of the leave application...it seemed that it cannot really work out...the 'how?' question has been hovering in my mind...how can it work out?
I think it's perhaps a lesson for me to trust God beyond the 'hows' of man's means...and trusting simply in God's power and providence. And in turn, making it a testimony for God...and another milestone of faith!
Yet God's boundaries, i know, is meant to protect me...and i should not try to cross it for my own good...
A precious lesson i learnt in yesterday's devotion and needed for today.
And they came to Jericho. And(CB) as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus,(CC) a blind beggar, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. 47And when he heard that it was(CD) Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" 48And many(CE) rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" 49And Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." And they called the blind man, saying to him,(CF) "Take heart. Get up; he is calling you." 50And throwing off his(CG) cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. 51And Jesus said to him, (CH) "What do you want me to do for you?" And the blind man said to him,(CI) "Rabbi, let me recover my sight." 52And Jesus said to him, "Go your way;(CJ) your faith has(CK) made you well." And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way.
It struck me that Bartimaeus did not have to think how Jesus will heal him...He called on Jesus, told Him what he wants, believe that Jesus can do it...as simple as that...Bartimaeus did not have to worry how and in what manner Jesus can heal him...
It made me think about my situation...how i thought it to be a difficult obstacle to get my no-pay study leave approved by P...looking at the terms and details of the leave application...it seemed that it cannot really work out...the 'how?' question has been hovering in my mind...how can it work out?
I think it's perhaps a lesson for me to trust God beyond the 'hows' of man's means...and trusting simply in God's power and providence. And in turn, making it a testimony for God...and another milestone of faith!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
What is my cause for liberation?
Lord, i want to walk in joy & liberation because of ONLY one reason...and that reason is because i know i'm walking IN Your perfect will and plan for me and IN Your perfect timing. No other reasons...period.
Knowing God...by J L Packer
It was indeed a timely read...why do i want to study theology? why do i want to know about God's Word? why do i want to find out more about the history of the Bible? to understand the Bible more? why???
My purpose and goal must be right or else the study of theology is eventually a bad course to take...for knowledge puffs up...indeed it is true...
Initially i thought i wanted to study more is because firstly, i wanted to gain more knowledge about God's Word and probably find the answers to the questions i had...secondly, so that i can teach and explain better...for the sake of those whom i will minister to...but now i realised that this, too is not even a good enough reason...
'The' reason must be that i want to know God more..and after having learnt more, want to walk in His ways to please Him more in my life...
Knowing about God is NOT THE SAME as Knowing God.
Do i want to know God? or do i simply want to know about God?
Knowing more about God does NOT equate loving God more...do i want to know God more because i love Him and as a result, loving God even more?
My purpose and goal must be right or else the study of theology is eventually a bad course to take...for knowledge puffs up...indeed it is true...
Initially i thought i wanted to study more is because firstly, i wanted to gain more knowledge about God's Word and probably find the answers to the questions i had...secondly, so that i can teach and explain better...for the sake of those whom i will minister to...but now i realised that this, too is not even a good enough reason...
'The' reason must be that i want to know God more..and after having learnt more, want to walk in His ways to please Him more in my life...
Knowing about God is NOT THE SAME as Knowing God.
Do i want to know God? or do i simply want to know about God?
Knowing more about God does NOT equate loving God more...do i want to know God more because i love Him and as a result, loving God even more?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Telling my parents my plan...
Felt the need to inform my superior soon as i hear that they are doing the planning for next year's deployment...though i'm not sure if i should actually tell her today...so i paused and hesitated and paused...cos i don't want to reverse the order...the order that i'm supposed to keep to...
...parents 1st...then superior & P
Then...as i was in the living room just now...the thought just came to take this chance while both of them are there...as i somehow felt prompted to tell them at that moment...and yes, thank God and by His grace, they agreed. Dad said as long as i have the savings to do it...Mum said as long as i get P's approval and then go back to teaching after that...
Well...i really don't know yet...at the moment, yes...i think i will go back since i cant' really see the next, next step yet...but i know and trust that God will lead me as time goes by...He will reveal His plan for me as His time arrives...Thank You, LORD!
LORD, now i need your favour and blessings with the P & VP, amen.
...parents 1st...then superior & P
Then...as i was in the living room just now...the thought just came to take this chance while both of them are there...as i somehow felt prompted to tell them at that moment...and yes, thank God and by His grace, they agreed. Dad said as long as i have the savings to do it...Mum said as long as i get P's approval and then go back to teaching after that...
Well...i really don't know yet...at the moment, yes...i think i will go back since i cant' really see the next, next step yet...but i know and trust that God will lead me as time goes by...He will reveal His plan for me as His time arrives...Thank You, LORD!
LORD, now i need your favour and blessings with the P & VP, amen.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
a bit of regrets
feeling regretful that i didn't ask more when i met the ex-pupils today...
learnt a lesson that i should view each encounter as a PDA...and not just brush it off...
always thought that i dun have much PDAs...but perhaps there are, but i didn't realise that they're there...and missed it totally!
Need to learn to be more 'alert' and sensitive to PDAs...must install a PDA 'antennae' in me ! hehe...
learnt a lesson that i should view each encounter as a PDA...and not just brush it off...
always thought that i dun have much PDAs...but perhaps there are, but i didn't realise that they're there...and missed it totally!
Need to learn to be more 'alert' and sensitive to PDAs...must install a PDA 'antennae' in me ! hehe...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Some thoughts and some things i need to follow up on...
After speaking with Fanny over the phone on Sunday ( 4 Oct), it left me with some affirmed follow-up i need to do...
1) need to set aside time to pray, fast, seek the Lord with regards to His timing; to listen to His voice
2) to be obedient to God and follow Him when i hear His voice
3) reflect on past 8 years what God has been speaking to me...?
Am very grateful to God and thankful that Fanny actually took the time, $$$ and have the 'heart' to call all the way from London and hear me pour out all that i want to say...and called back again just to pray for me w/o rushing through...Lord, thank you for this precious sister & friend! Where doest i find such a friend again? But Lord, i'm not greedy...i'm grateful and content.
The recent natural disasters and topsy-turvey weather have once again strike a stern reminder to me that the end times are very near...and getting nearer by the years as we see more and more of these...may our hearts be alert and stirred to faith and action!
1) need to set aside time to pray, fast, seek the Lord with regards to His timing; to listen to His voice
2) to be obedient to God and follow Him when i hear His voice
3) reflect on past 8 years what God has been speaking to me...?
Am very grateful to God and thankful that Fanny actually took the time, $$$ and have the 'heart' to call all the way from London and hear me pour out all that i want to say...and called back again just to pray for me w/o rushing through...Lord, thank you for this precious sister & friend! Where doest i find such a friend again? But Lord, i'm not greedy...i'm grateful and content.
The recent natural disasters and topsy-turvey weather have once again strike a stern reminder to me that the end times are very near...and getting nearer by the years as we see more and more of these...may our hearts be alert and stirred to faith and action!
Friday, October 2, 2009
How interesting...
Just did a FB application test on "What is your ministry calling?" ...not sure i'm 'psycho-ing' myself when answering the questions...and the answer is...
"Yvonne took the What is your ministry calling? quiz and the result is Missions and Outreach minister
You are called to make a difference beyond the walls of traditional church. You think Sunday morning church is important, but how you live out your b...eliefs is even more important. You may be called to share the gospel by building communities for Katrina Relief, or Habitat for Humanity. You may be called to start a volunteer program to help out your local schools. You may be the person in the walls of the church who advocates for justice and peace. You are called to reach out and make a difference."
Tried to look at the questions again to see what constitute such an answer...but cant seemed to find any...all doesn't overtly point me to it leh...Well...should i treat it as an affirmation or a coincidence?
"Yvonne took the What is your ministry calling? quiz and the result is Missions and Outreach minister
You are called to make a difference beyond the walls of traditional church. You think Sunday morning church is important, but how you live out your b...eliefs is even more important. You may be called to share the gospel by building communities for Katrina Relief, or Habitat for Humanity. You may be called to start a volunteer program to help out your local schools. You may be the person in the walls of the church who advocates for justice and peace. You are called to reach out and make a difference."
Tried to look at the questions again to see what constitute such an answer...but cant seemed to find any...all doesn't overtly point me to it leh...Well...should i treat it as an affirmation or a coincidence?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Talk with little sis...
Had a talk with little sis over a nice, long lunch...just wanted to sound her out on how she'd feel if i wasn't around in 2 years' time...and the fact that i maybe studying theology for the next two years...and yes, haha...she can't 'sponge' off me that much since i'm not earning...i'm surprised to hear that she'll not like it because she doesn't want pple to leave her for too long a time...it's interesting that she pointed out that she don't mind leaving pple to go overseas but she don't like the feeling of pple leaving her...it's true...it's always for the pple 'left behind'..isn't it? even though it's not a matter of life and death...but being 'away' from home...
Wondering when it's a good time to sound out mum again and then dad...need to pray about the right timing...
And for informing Rena too...felt so bad that i can't tell her yet...somehow felt it's not time yet...since havent gotten mum's & dad's support...
Went online to check the books that might be used during the theological studies...found 3 out of 6 in SKS...not too bad...can save on these 3 books with the remaining LDS...if i do get in...that is...
Also realised i should apply early...maybe during the holidays...need time to get all the admin work done...
Things to do:
1. Talk to Jean again (ask about who i can approach to advise on references)
2. Pray, pray, pray!
Wondering when it's a good time to sound out mum again and then dad...need to pray about the right timing...
And for informing Rena too...felt so bad that i can't tell her yet...somehow felt it's not time yet...since havent gotten mum's & dad's support...
Went online to check the books that might be used during the theological studies...found 3 out of 6 in SKS...not too bad...can save on these 3 books with the remaining LDS...if i do get in...that is...
Also realised i should apply early...maybe during the holidays...need time to get all the admin work done...
Things to do:
1. Talk to Jean again (ask about who i can approach to advise on references)
2. Pray, pray, pray!
Penning my thoughts on my mind for the last few weeks in an email...
An email i wrote to Fanny today:
"Actually find it hard to begin writing this email...it's like describing a futile turmoil within me...to go or not to go...
since my last conversation with you...i told you that my mum actually supported me in going for theological studies...though she prob. didn't know what i had in mind after that...something which i'm not sure either...but since then, i spoke to a few pple who really put many sobering questions in my mind...which i think are timely and necessary...
1) spoke to Jean from Pearl's cell (not sure if you remembered her)...she 's studying at East Asia School of Theology...previously a teacher too...with a missions calling. She gave me a verse
..Luke 9:62Jesus said to him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God."
It suddenly 'woke' me up that this is not something that i can turn back and quit from...maybe i have idealised the idea of missions...maybe i have the mindset that there is always a backout lane...but i felt that God is asking to count my costs...
2)Then also spoke to my IDT DG leader and members about it...new perspectives again...not that i have never considered my family...but guessed i have only been concerned over the financial part...and forgetting the very basics like...my mum missing me and worrying about me if i'm overseas...and how will my family function w/o me around...and relationships that i need to 'reconcile' in my family so that they will not fall out when i'm not around....
3) Then my own doubts...can i survive missions? Going for the theological training is not a problem...it is what is after that...what am i do? Can i survive practially?
All these questions alone made me very feel very apprehensive about missions...to a point that i questioned myself if i'm imagining my 'calling'...should i just stay put and be a teacher....but yet, to deny the sense of calling i felt 8 years ago which brought me to nie & teaching doesn't make sense...it's like i've been working towards this calling for the past 8 years...to do well in nie so that i can earn and save up a substantial amt for my parents when i go missions...even in coming to cefc...because it had a focused vision on discipleship & missions which resonates with my desire...
Remembering what Jean told me before i left during our meet-up..."I am loved by the LORD. Even if i don't come into missions, i'm still loved by the LORD." I know that but then i come to a place whereby i asked myself: Where do i go from here then? If i don't follow where i felt God has led me thus far, where do i go? What do i do?
Happened that last Sat's Day of Prayer was praying for missions and Pastor Tony called for all the parents to release their children to go into the mission field if they are called to it one day...so wished my parents were there...Sister Claire, a Covenanter whom i went for the previous Batam mission trips with was sitting near me and asked for my prayer request...was comfortable to share with her...and she prayed that God will show me clearly the next step to take...was grateful that she said she'll keep me in prayer for that...on the same day, went to visit a close friend from my ex-church...and after sharing with her...she asked me if i would take the next step if God is to show me all that's to take place...i probably won't be able to take it...maybe it's not the timing for me to know yet...maybe faith requires taking the step before you...and trusting Him for the next few steps ahead...prayed again last Sunday after the gathering @ your place for God to speak to me through His Word and guess what, devotional passage was on Mark 1...when it comes to Mark 1:17 "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men..." It's like "oh man...."...is this for me? or is it coincidental and i'm reading too much into it?
Though i felt that it's most probable that i'll apply for theological studies next june but right now...i'm still questioning myself...maybe it's a process that i need to go through...i don't know...just wished to hear your take on this..."
"Actually find it hard to begin writing this email...it's like describing a futile turmoil within me...to go or not to go...
since my last conversation with you...i told you that my mum actually supported me in going for theological studies...though she prob. didn't know what i had in mind after that...something which i'm not sure either...but since then, i spoke to a few pple who really put many sobering questions in my mind...which i think are timely and necessary...
1) spoke to Jean from Pearl's cell (not sure if you remembered her)...she 's studying at East Asia School of Theology...previously a teacher too...with a missions calling. She gave me a verse
..Luke 9:62Jesus said to him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God."
It suddenly 'woke' me up that this is not something that i can turn back and quit from...maybe i have idealised the idea of missions...maybe i have the mindset that there is always a backout lane...but i felt that God is asking to count my costs...
2)Then also spoke to my IDT DG leader and members about it...new perspectives again...not that i have never considered my family...but guessed i have only been concerned over the financial part...and forgetting the very basics like...my mum missing me and worrying about me if i'm overseas...and how will my family function w/o me around...and relationships that i need to 'reconcile' in my family so that they will not fall out when i'm not around....
3) Then my own doubts...can i survive missions? Going for the theological training is not a problem...it is what is after that...what am i do? Can i survive practially?
All these questions alone made me very feel very apprehensive about missions...to a point that i questioned myself if i'm imagining my 'calling'...should i just stay put and be a teacher....but yet, to deny the sense of calling i felt 8 years ago which brought me to nie & teaching doesn't make sense...it's like i've been working towards this calling for the past 8 years...to do well in nie so that i can earn and save up a substantial amt for my parents when i go missions...even in coming to cefc...because it had a focused vision on discipleship & missions which resonates with my desire...
Remembering what Jean told me before i left during our meet-up..."I am loved by the LORD. Even if i don't come into missions, i'm still loved by the LORD." I know that but then i come to a place whereby i asked myself: Where do i go from here then? If i don't follow where i felt God has led me thus far, where do i go? What do i do?
Happened that last Sat's Day of Prayer was praying for missions and Pastor Tony called for all the parents to release their children to go into the mission field if they are called to it one day...so wished my parents were there...Sister Claire, a Covenanter whom i went for the previous Batam mission trips with was sitting near me and asked for my prayer request...was comfortable to share with her...and she prayed that God will show me clearly the next step to take...was grateful that she said she'll keep me in prayer for that...on the same day, went to visit a close friend from my ex-church...and after sharing with her...she asked me if i would take the next step if God is to show me all that's to take place...i probably won't be able to take it...maybe it's not the timing for me to know yet...maybe faith requires taking the step before you...and trusting Him for the next few steps ahead...prayed again last Sunday after the gathering @ your place for God to speak to me through His Word and guess what, devotional passage was on Mark 1...when it comes to Mark 1:17 "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men..." It's like "oh man...."...is this for me? or is it coincidental and i'm reading too much into it?
Though i felt that it's most probable that i'll apply for theological studies next june but right now...i'm still questioning myself...maybe it's a process that i need to go through...i don't know...just wished to hear your take on this..."
While pondering...
It occurs to me that i should 'journal'' this journey so that the 'forgetful' me can look back on days when i need it and remember how good God is...'tracing' His hands in leading me...may it also be a testimony for His glory and goodness if one day i get to share it...
This journey started more than 8 years ago...it was sparked by an article in a youth devotional magazine...an article shared by a youth who went and helped build a facility in a developing country...strangely or probably divinely, it stirs my heart and excites me to go forth to do the same...that's how the journey into teaching begins...
With God's grace, i've come to the end of the 8 years of nie and teaching bond...i've got the qualification to teach and the experience to go with it that i hope will come into good use and be a platform for outreach.
But now, this journey seemed to have taken a new facet...it's like a new milestone...a crossroad and a step that will change the course of the whole journey...
It's like mountain-climbing...just like "Much-Afraid"...you want to climb to the submmit...but the higher you climb, the steeper it becomes...it is more difficult and challenging or even dangerous...but there is also a new scenery and a new perspective...
Like "Much-Afraid", i am much afraid but God reminds me that it is not me but Him who will do it...He will accomplish His purpose...it is His work...i only need to be the willing instrument...
So many things have been going through my mind in a matter of these few short weeks...so maybe it was God who allowed me to go through all these and consider all these...
1. Jean's verse to me: Luke 9:62
62Jesus said to him, (A) "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God."
2. Lay Hoon giving me my mum's perspective
3. Nancy's advice to reunite my parents' relationship and getting both my parents' blessings
But i also give thanks that God has given me people around me to pray with me...Sis Claire...Lay Khim...Fanny...Chris & Shirley hopefully...Nancy & the DG...
This journey started more than 8 years ago...it was sparked by an article in a youth devotional magazine...an article shared by a youth who went and helped build a facility in a developing country...strangely or probably divinely, it stirs my heart and excites me to go forth to do the same...that's how the journey into teaching begins...
With God's grace, i've come to the end of the 8 years of nie and teaching bond...i've got the qualification to teach and the experience to go with it that i hope will come into good use and be a platform for outreach.
But now, this journey seemed to have taken a new facet...it's like a new milestone...a crossroad and a step that will change the course of the whole journey...
It's like mountain-climbing...just like "Much-Afraid"...you want to climb to the submmit...but the higher you climb, the steeper it becomes...it is more difficult and challenging or even dangerous...but there is also a new scenery and a new perspective...
Like "Much-Afraid", i am much afraid but God reminds me that it is not me but Him who will do it...He will accomplish His purpose...it is His work...i only need to be the willing instrument...
So many things have been going through my mind in a matter of these few short weeks...so maybe it was God who allowed me to go through all these and consider all these...
1. Jean's verse to me: Luke 9:62
62Jesus said to him, (A) "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God."
2. Lay Hoon giving me my mum's perspective
3. Nancy's advice to reunite my parents' relationship and getting both my parents' blessings
But i also give thanks that God has given me people around me to pray with me...Sis Claire...Lay Khim...Fanny...Chris & Shirley hopefully...Nancy & the DG...
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